Another blast from Christmas 2017
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| 1 | Twas the night before Christmas, and in the back room of Chito’s Bar everyone was wrapping their presents up to put under the tree. Artemis: Did you know that there are 67% fewer bar stools available in Chito’s Bar this year than 6 months ago? Clearly the effect of the new government. Sparkychap: Maybe it’s just that people are actually staying longer in the pub since Chito stopped watering down the beer? Seaqueen: Cassina, what have you got there? Cassina: I'm creating a 3D house using horse poo. It will make housing affordable – I can’t believe you and your mates can’t see that. Please sign the guest register if you want to view it. Barney Miller: Does it have any illegal modifications you aren't going to tell me about? Cassina: Listen sport, you and your real estate mates can try and tell me I'm going to pull the wool over your eyes all you like but I heard on talkback that 3D printed houses were the solution to the housing crisis when I'm finished here I'm going skiing on my motorbike. With my camera. Garmish: Tee hee, you said "pull", teeheee. Luteba: Cassina, do you realise that horse poo doesn’t conform to BRANZ Acceptable Standards and the bacterial agents would increase the risk of respiratory disease in young children? Goosey: I’m not impressed with your opinion, Luteba, you should retract that statement immediately as there’s a very slight possibility you might be criticising an agent. Masturbidder: Head over my way, Goosey, wait ‘til I show you my unconsented erection - that can’t be retracted. Johnston: Did someone say dick? Of course it all turns on the facts of the dick. D.Snell You called? Of course you are all wrong. Obviously. I might even say something in capitals TO PROVE IT. Sparkychap: *Sigh* the facts of the matter (and several court cases) would disprove that, but since when has evidence or facts been relevant to a thread in here. Nothing like a good beat-up. Carpenter01: Hey Cassina, make sure you get any potential buyers to sit a lie-detector test to prove they weren’t introduced by an agent. Lythande: +1 moviebuff: Look I'm only a renter but I think that all landlords should be permitted to subject potential tenants to a polygraph as part of the screening process. Go National. It might also uncover foreigners pretending to be real Kiwis, buying our houses, establishing housing portfolios and making our kitchens smell of vindaloo. Friendly_prawn: You should of voted for Winston Peters, moviebuff. He once said something about stopping immigrants. No idea what it was but it sounded like the sort of policy I could get behind. Like the Wall he’s going to build. MAGA! Make Auckland a Ghetto Again! sparkychap - 2021-11-11 19:19:00 |
| 2 | Jonners2013: It is a ghetto already. A wall would be a good idea, keep you all in. Seaqueen: “Should HAVE”, you silly crustacean. Well anyway, I have a present for you, Cassina. It’d be perfect for keeping the carpets clean in your mud hut. They used to use it in Vietnam. Seaqueen passes a can of aerosol spray to Cassina. Cassina: Agent Orange? What commission does he charge? Johnston: I believe if you refer to Agent Orange v Bayleys, you’ll find a sorry tale of misconduct and agent-centred behaviour. Mals69: Stop that! Don’t give him that Desi1969: Depreciate my ass. You need to claim everything as tax deductible off your regular income Cassina. Lovelurking: Have we seen your ass, desi? Thumbs: I have photos of her ass in my dossier. Seaqueen: Mals – just wrapped your present, it’s a replacement “enter” key since you probably are wearing yours out. Mals69: Thank sparkychap - 2021-11-11 19:19:00 |
| 3 | Irvy: Hello, have you missed me? Of course you have. I have been undercover on a secret mission to relocate the US embassy to Jerusalem. I’ve been planning it from my Holiday Hutt in Ohau, I mean Oahu. And that was after negotiating with my old mate Putin to get Trump elected. Mlarkin: Who are you? Capricorngirl. Hang on, who am I? It’s all so confusing. Alaine4: What a load of old rope, Irvy. Chito: Oi, you, irvy, get out. You know you are banned along with Gunners for shooting Labour voters in the snug. Irvy: I’ll shoot them anywhere I like, especially if they apply for any of my 25,000 rentals. I waterboard potential tenants to ensure they are national voters. Chito: Enough of that nonsense or I’ll be forced to get my people to deal with you. Alwaysnice: Alaine you mean WALOOR, don’t you? I think that would be the compassionate and nice way to say it. Johnston: Takes me back to Bayleys v Waloor. Pity Painterman isn’t here to discuss it. It was a case of agency misconduct that I found completely reprehensible and clearly the courts agreed with me. Painterman: Rubbish, Johnston, you know that the legal doctrine of "Imo mea faciem autem meam" comes into play here, especially when combined with the rights imbued by the Treaty. Rose: Painterman! You made it after all! I thought you'd still be in Ohai working on finalising that section sale for $14.79. Painterman: Oh don't be so silly Rose. You're just jealous because it's expected that the price in rural wastelands will increase to at least $ 17.45 Seaqueen: Um, what's that smell? Is it dog pee? It's burning dog pee.... Painterman: Oh look here comes Samsara - "the wheel of never ending pain." Sparkychap: Cassina, you're not supposed to spray that can around Christmas lights and horse poo! Keys bursts in in his fireman's uniform Samsara: Look girls, here's the stripper! Mrcat: Stripper my ass. The only way to strip paint is with my 336F L Hydraulic Excavator, everybody knows that. Wait while I aim it at this tree in the corner. The Christmas tree ignites into a ball of flames... RayonlineTM: Somebody call an accountant! Chito: Sorry guys but since insurance premiums have tripled this year, I don't have fire cover. Keys: It's okay, this sort of situation is covered under Section 985487A (1b) (w) of the RTA. Thumbs swoons at the size of Key's hose Cassina: It's getting very hot under this ski mask Sparkychap: Sorry, I'll stop sitting on you. Paysanne: In the interest of fairness, I think Cassina may have issued an invitation there Sparkychap. Keys: Okay everyone move out of the way. Under Section 822785(m) of the Fire Regulations Act, I'm entitled to spray wherever I like but ideally we need to get this Christmas tree under control before it reaches Cassina's manure. nukachura: I'm going to get hysterical now! Keys rushes to the burning Christmas tree, sprays his hose all and extinguishes the fire. Johotech: Thanks Keys, not there’s nothing left but cinders. Cinderellagowns: I may be all that’s left, but I’m all you need. Debmus: OMG look at the presents! They’re ruined. Everyone stares at the pile of soggy wrapping paper and gasps. Natureguide: It’s OK folks. We still have our health, and our virtual friends and our common love of real estate. After all the banter and rudeness, that’s what brings us all together. Now, let’s all hold hands and give a rousing rendition of “Kumbaya” Sparkychap: I’ll drink to that! Cassina: You’d drink to anything, you clearly have no self-control. As I heard on talkback recently…. sparkychap - 2021-11-11 19:20:00 |
| 4 | 4 years and several kilos ago. :-) cinderellagowns - 2021-11-11 19:37:00 |
| 5 | If only we knew then what we know now. bernie184 - 2021-11-12 08:58:00 |
| 6 | I’m going to miss this place... lovelurking - 2021-11-12 10:21:00 |
| 7 | </3 luteba - 2021-11-12 11:22:00 |
| 8 | You have way too much time on your hands. committed - 2021-11-12 13:52:00 |
| 9 | Thinking on it. Closing this down is yet another stifling of free (ish) speech. keys - 2021-11-12 17:36:00 |
| 10 | Come and join us over on ********.com keys. sparkychap - 2021-11-12 17:37:00 |
| 11 | Only 4 years??!!! My dossier has developed alzheimers since then. thumbs647 - 2021-11-12 21:21:00 |
| 12 | Will miss Real Estate. Sparkychap and Johnson thank you so much for the years of advice. I've enjoyed the, sometimes, snark as well. Has given me a lot of laughs. Will be having a look at ********.com. dee238 - 2021-11-13 04:17:00 |
| 13 | dee238 wrote:
. johnston - 2021-11-13 06:56:00 |
| 14 | dee238 wrote: Thanks Dee, yes check out ********, we'll be there all week, try the veal. Edited by sparkychap at 7:07 am, Sat 13 Nov sparkychap - 2021-11-13 07:06:00 |
| 15 | Those were the days. chito - 2021-11-13 07:23:00 |
| 16 | I have a few old threads saved - like the one where a certain paint a man predicted 50% house price falls. I think they've only gone up by about 300%* since then. *Hyperbole. Or maybe not. sparkychap - 2021-11-13 07:49:00 |
| 17 | sparkychap wrote:
Has Ohai ever got the value rise he was hoping for?? I was down that neck of the woods earlier this year and feel it’s still a few years off. thumbs647 - 2021-11-13 08:20:00 |
| 18 | sparkychap wrote: orphic1 - 2021-11-13 17:28:00 |
| 19 | Will the last one out please put the cat out and turn the lights off. chito - 2021-11-14 12:39:00 |
| 20 | sparkychap wrote:
???? Although I prefer the Vege-burger ???? desi1969 - 2021-11-14 12:57:00 |
| 21 | I was just thinking that it was just a few days and 10 years ago when we had the famous thread about shooting council building inspectors.... sparkychap - 2021-11-14 12:59:00 |
| 22 | sparkychap wrote: masturbidder - 2021-11-14 22:03:00 |
