Exciting news after 8 years of searching... but
| # | Post |
|---|---|
| 1 | While I am not a frequent poster on this message board, I am a frequent reader and have asked for helped over the years... mostly about finding my father's birth father ( my father is 75 years of age) and through help and suggestions both on and offline from regular posters which has contributed to finding out who his birth father was. I hasten to say that I also had documentation from welfare office ( but no name) and DNA testing x2 sites over the years and finally we had a cousin connection who could confirm things as well . So after 8 years of researching, it is exciting to know who my father's birth father was. The kicker is having ordered this man's death certificate, I found out he had a child, a younger half brother to my father. Through further research, I have uncovered his name, and address. I want to send a letter, but suddenly dont know what to say. I appreciate this man would have likely no idea about my Dad's existence. Thoughts would be appreciated or what to say in a letter! mnkool - 2019-03-10 19:13:00 |
| 2 | If you think a letter is the best way for you to make contact, then it's quite important to make it about you/ your dad. Start by introducing yourselves, with an short explanation of the search process which has led to him. Include a couple of photos, and some concise info about your dad's growing up years and current life.. Explain you are wanting nothing material, but how good it would be to meet someone so closely related. Don't ask too many questions at this stage . Personally I would go for a phone call or even a face-to-face meeting, but of course it's your choice. I f for instance you don't get a reply to your letter, it could be that the chap is on holiday, or the mail got lost or misdelivered, or he's sick etc etc. and you don't know quite what to do next. Whereas, even though a ph call will take him by surprise ( not really more so than a letter though ) he has heard your voice, you have given him your contact details, and you have told him how much you'd like to hear from him - if he's too busy at the moment. Tell him if you haven't heard back in 2-3 weeks you'd like to call again and check that everything is OK. There will be surprise, but it should be a happy surprise as there is not the painful history which often hangs over a birthmother for instance. I worked in this field for ssome time and can tell you that sibling contacts are almost always positive. Best of luck! junie2 - 2019-03-10 19:37:00 |
| 3 | Thanks Junie for the advice Edited by mnkool at 8:27 pm, Sun 10 Mar mnkool - 2019-03-10 20:26:00 |
| 4 | mnkool wrote:
wow that is exciting news, I agree with Junie's advice, take it one step and one day at a time, all the best for your father in getting to know his half sibling crab2 - 2019-03-10 20:35:00 |
| 5 | good luck, all the very best trademe_phatie - 2019-03-11 08:14:00 |
| 6 | It's a pity we don't have access to the agencies/experts used on the 'Long Lost Family' type of TV programmes. They do all the work for you, and make the initial approaches. Wishing you all the very best. Updates would be cool if you are up to it! kitty179 - 2019-03-11 11:25:00 |
| 7 | kitty179 wrote:
I'm sure one of those programmes would love to do it for you !!! That's how they make their living. But personally I'd never choose that option. . You have the emotional investment - not any intermediary. This is about you and yours. Besides, the approached person can say "no" much easier to a person who is not related to them, doesn't look or sound like them etc. ( And would you ever believe the go-between had done their very best for you in that case? And what would you do then?) Conversely the intermediary could get all the excitement and hugs etc that should've been yours. You can do it! And yes please - keep us updated. junie2 - 2019-03-11 16:16:00 |
| 8 | While I like the long lost family type of programs my dad wouldnt go for that as he is a private man. mnkool - 2019-03-11 19:30:00 |
| 9 | All the very best yes slowly, slowly and fingers crossed neither is in bad health then I might say take bull by horns what does your dad say?? As to how to go about it? anne1955 - 2019-03-11 19:48:00 |
| 10 | My dad wants to find him but prefers first communication done by a third party or letter because it will be a shock to his half brother and he doesnt want him rail roaded into things. mnkool - 2019-03-11 19:56:00 |
| 11 | update - in the end I send a letter to dad's half brother ( no listing for a phone number) explaining that I was undertaking family history research and I was hoping he would open to communicating about his father. I got a phone call from him promptly and he wanted to know who I was in context of the family. I explained that I was fairly certain he was a half brother to my father, he thought that was fairly interesting but surprising! Well last week we meet up with him and it was a successful occasion. Dad apparently looks very much like his father according to his brother. mnkool - 2020-01-12 15:41:00 |
| 12 | That is a great result mnkool. l.e - 2020-01-12 16:09:00 |
| 13 | It is after red herrings and brickwalls... my dad is shortly going to turn 76 years of age is so pleased. mnkool - 2020-01-12 16:56:00 |
| 14 | Wow Terrific news!! hymac - 2020-01-12 17:05:00 |
| 15 | Great news! Glad it went so well for your Dad :) marymc - 2020-01-12 19:24:00 |
| 16 | Oh that is awesome, well done! morticia - 2020-01-12 19:53:00 |
| 17 | Thanks for the comments - some of you have helped in the search too, with suggestions. So again thank you. mnkool - 2020-01-12 21:05:00 |
| 18 | wow that's wonderful news and your Dad will enjoy getting to know his other family while he still can and you too will be busy getting to know new relatives as well crab2 - 2020-01-13 14:26:00 |
| 19 | Good news. Having established a background for a close cousin's parents recently, through DNA testing, believe in people's right to know their ancestry. For parents to deprive them of that knowledge is largely self-serving. amasser - 2020-01-13 16:53:00 |
| 20 | I'm very pleased for you! 4pc - 2020-01-26 23:28:00 |
| 21 | Wow - that is such good news. I have a 70 yr old friend who , only in the last year has met been able to ID and meet some birth family - after many red herrings. I swear he looks and acts like a new man - lol. junie2 - 2020-01-29 22:25:00 |
| 22 | Thanks junie2 - my dad is really pleased mnkool - 2020-01-29 23:07:00 |
| 23 | What a lovely post. My Dad was only 74 when he died so I'm glad it wasn't too late for your Dad. redden39 - 2020-01-31 08:35:00 |
| 24 | junie2 wrote:
and he's a great guy crab2 - 2020-02-01 21:48:00 |
| 25 | It is so exciting isn't it? It was a combination of DNA results, information from his adoption file as well as what his birth mother told him. mnkool - 2020-02-02 11:35:00 |
